Puzzled

I'M PUZZLED.
LIFE IS FULL OF UNCERTAINTIES... We never know what lies ahead. We are smiling and laughing and dancing at the top of our spirit today, but we never know if we will still be doing the same merriment tomorrow, and for the other days to unfold...
Is this the real face of life? Or is this the life we reap out of what we do? We can't tell... I can never tell... ONLY GOD KNOWS as they always say... But, IS THERE REALLY GOD? Surely, those who are pious and highly religious will get mad at me upon hearing me say this... Questioning the existence and divine ability of their God... Or maybe, they will just ignore me... Who am I in their lives anyway. I believe that what only matters to them is that they are living at their own best... And in this age of self- centeredness, it's a waste of precious time sparing attention to someone that makes no sense to our living...
Personally, I have made a lot of things that broke others fragile hearts... But I'm sure on the other hand, that somehow, I have touched other people's lives in my simple ways... BUT IS THIS THE PRIZE?
... TO LIVE IN MISERY...
... TO BE WITH PEOPLE IN THEIR FINEST MASQUERADES...
... TO DWELL IN A HOUSE THAT I CAN NEVER CALL "MY HOME"...
... TO CONTINUOUSLY CHASE FOR THE STARS OF SUCCESS AND FAME AND WEALTH THAT SEEM TO BE VERY FAR FROM TOUCH...
... TO BE ME, WHEN I DON'T SEEM TO KNOW MYSELF...
If it is, then, I think LIFE IS UNFAIR... OR GOD MAKES IT SO? OR BY PEOPLE AROUND ME... OR MAYBE, I'M THE SOLE CULPRIT OF MY ROCKY- ROAD LIFE...
Wise men say that IT ISN'T RIGHT TO GET ENVIOUS WITH OTHER PEOPLE... IT ISN'T JUST TO COMPARE THINGS AND PEOPLE AND EVENTS OVER THE OTHER... I know... However, IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD AS WELL TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE GETTING EVERYTHING THAT THEIR HEARTS DESIRE... WALKING THEIR WAY TOWARDS SUCCESS WHILE OTHERS ARE LEFT BEHIND 'THOUGH STRIVING SO HARD... GETTING NOTHING BUT INCURABLE HEARTACHES AND SOUL- SHATTERING FAILURES...
I'M PUZZLED...
CONFUSED with what's happening to me... to my dear life... AFFECTED with what's happening to my neighbor... to my friend... to a stranger... to the world...
Tell me... Please tell me words that will lift up this dispirited soul... that will scintillate this world I'm living in... and will complete the hole in this maze of life...
Originally written August 18, 2009
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