Que Sera Sera

The days of the New Year were blown by the wind too fast... Gentle days have passed unnoticed. But there are a lot more that waits. More days that promise uncertainty. More days that will give chances for both failures and success.

Personally, I’m anxious what lies ahead of time. Could I dance with the rhythm of life? Could I sing the music of life? Or could I live the entirety of this year? 
Everything's running humbly fine for me this year. But I could still feel a strange loneliness eating my heart out. A tiny voice within me cries for something. Craves for something that will make me complete.

My present work gives me an opportunity to do things that I wasn't able to do before, buy things that catch my attention, meet new friends and mingle with different kinds of people and most especially give an ample help for my family. But I still feel incomplete. I still yearn for something. And my heart knows that. 
I wish I am working somewhere else. To the place where I should be and where I am expected to be. I wish I am serving those who deserve my diligent service. Those people who are incapacitated or unstable yet could feel my caring services and thank me sincerely. I wish I am practicing my profession in a place which will lead me where almost every men and women with same white collar as mine dream to go.

A lot of wishes. A lot of "if's". But it's alright. I just do my best and console myself with the belief that everything will flourish in God's perfect time. I remembered what an old friend told me before: "The real measure of success is not on what your profession is. It's not if you are applying your profession, or if you are working in a properly designated place for you. It's on how you make certain work and specific profession meet in the middle. It's on how you utilize the resources around you and maximize your potentials as a human. A fighting and thinking human..." Well, he's right! How I wish I will see him again and the rest of my friends. Friends who promised to stay forever but are one-by-one eaten up by time and distance; by careers and responsibilities. Well, it's alright. We could never own somebody. And as one philosopher said: "One should not nurture strong attachment as it will create interference in our exploration of the world." Yes, it's true. It is better if we will go on with our own life with past memories of good friendship as an inspiration and the laughter of the present one to unload the burden of day-to-day existence. We have to face the reality that 'though friends are real blessings, everything that happens and will happen in our life still depends on us, on our own values and perspectives in life. We are the captain of our soul. We are the weaver of a finer life.

Look how funny I become once I started pondering on simple but realistic things in life. Sometimes shy tears want to come out of my eyes. I just let go. Anyway, nobody sees them and it's the best way to purify a lonely soul and an aching heart. Sometimes, I want to shout and let the whole world know what I feel, what I want, what I think of. But I can't do it and I don't want to do it anyway. Maybe I am just too shy to let others know my insecurities and weaknesses. Or maybe I am strong enough to nurture hardships deep within and use them as an armor. 
I don't really know what lies ahead. Do you?

The past year gave me a lot of pains from letting go of precious things, dreams and persons. But I still hold on the belief that everything will be alright. Sooner. Perhaps. Inspite the odds, inspite the bleak picture of the future. 
I'm at lost, yes, but I'm trying to pick up the pieces of me. I know it will be hard. In fact I don't even know how I will put together my derailed plans and time frames in life. But it doesn't matter. What is necessary is that  I am moving forward. Farther. With a steadfast heart and burning soul amidst uncertainty.

I remember what a mother told to her daughter in a classic song: "Que sera sera... Whatever will be, will be... The future's not ours to see... Que sera sera..." 
Well, she's right! Anyway, the year is yet too young to think about everything. Though it's wise to prepare ahead, it would also be better to just cross the bridge when we get there...